Hi guys!! So it was family Sunday in my church this past Sunday and I really learnt a lot about marriage that day. So I thought it'd be a good idea to share the things that I learnt with you all. I think these lessons don't just work in marriages, but some (not all) of them would also work for relationships in general.
Focus on the beauty and strengths of the person, Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.". This is one of my favourite Bible verses in the whole world. I think I've even said this before in one of my previous posts. There's something beautiful in being reminded to focus on the beauty and strengths in a person. The moment you start to nit-pick the little things, is the moment you start to become blind to the good in the person. So yeah, when you're in a relationship, focus on the beauty and strengths of your partner and not the little things that you can solve yourself. If he/she doesn't put down the toilet seat and it irks you, put it down yourself. Don't let the angst of that one thing create a wormhole of despise.
Leave history alone. Face forward and leave the past in the past. Stop bringing up past hurts and past failures. If you've forgiven your partner, let it go. If your partner was a certain size before and now they've changed, don't throw that in their face. Instead leave the past in the past and focus on the present. As long as you've forgiven your partner, and they've changed, leave the accusations and hurtful words behind. Move forward and enjoy the now.
There'll be challenges, so you must learn to overcome them. No relationship and no journey is without challenges. But the difference between those who succeed and those who don't is the determination to overcome the challenge. The difference is the choices we make. Because at the end of the day, your choices can either make or break you. Be determined that your marriage is going to work. It is your responsibility to make sure that everything you need in your marriage is there. If you want your partner to dress better, work on that. If you want your home to be a certain way, work on it. Be determined to make it work.
Don't compare your marriage to anyone else's. Firstly, no marriage or relationship is the same. Secondly, you can only see other people's relationships as a viewer, this means that you don't have the full story. The same people that you envy or compare your relationship with may also be envious of you. So it's up to you to decide what you want for your marriage and go for it. Comparison will steal your joy.
Don't let traditions insult your psyche. Don't allow tradition to make or let you disregard what is good and right. Just because your tradition calls for women to basically become housemaids for the family of the men, doesn't mean you should subjugate your partner to such. Just because it's tradition for the men in your family to have more than one wife, doesn't mean you should follow the same tradition. Do what is right and don't let society, your friends, family or tradition push you towards doing what is wrong.
Unforgiveness is the enemy of a home. There are couples who are living together but still haven't forgiven each other. Because of this their home and relationship becomes toxic. Because of unforgiveness an atmosphere of love turns into an atmosphere of war, pain and anger. Learn to forgive each other, and not just for your partner's sake, but for yourself and your wellbeing. Holding people in your heart out of anger doesn't help. So air out the hurt and anger.
Keep third party influence out of your home. Their pointed fingers and notes are unwarranted, especially if it's negative. Be careful of the people that you allow to speak into your life or influence your decisions. Some people may even mean well, but it doesn't mean their counsel is wise. When you and your partner make a decision together, stick to it, don't allow another person's opinion be more valued than your partner's opinion. Present a united front to the world and those around you at all times.
Do not be stingy in your home. Learn to be kind and benevolent to your partner and your partner's family. Once you get married, their family becomes yours and yours becomes theirs. Learn to treat them all as your family and treat them with kindness. Give where you have the ability to. If you happen to be more financially buoyant than your partner, never throw that in your partner's face.
Keep stubbornness out of your home. You're not the only reservoir of knowledge or information. You can be wrong sometimes, so be willing to listen and keep stubbornness out of it. A relationship is give and take, so be willing to give, but also be willing to take. Be willing to listen to your partner.
Never be rude to your partner. Rudeness should never be found in your home.
Stay away from adultery and cheating. Once adultery enters a home, you've poured poison into the home. To be honest, I don't see the point in speaking deeply about this. It's very simple, "DON'T CHEAT ON YOUR PARTNER". It hurts them and I bet you the pleasure is very short lived.
Recognise that you're in the marriage to serve. Empty yourself into the home, Isiah54:4. God is the perfect example of a husband. Be prepared to empty yourself for the sake of your home. Volunteer yourself to work daily on your home.
Appreciate and nurture the gem in your home. Be grateful and stay grateful. Gratefulness allows you to enjoy what you have and allows you to see the beauty in your home.
Expect change always. If there's no change, instigate the change. The person you marry on the altar is different the next day. There are changes that will be forced on you, changes that you will initiate and changes that happen naturally. Be ready to embrace all the changes. If your partner had a banging six pack when you got married and years down the line he has a dad bod, embrace it. If your wife had a certain body type when you married her and after child birth her body changes, embrace and love her, regardless of the changes. We all grow in different ways daily, if your partner remains stagnant, then help them instigate change. It's a bad idea to remain unchanged. Marriage should never be an inconvenience, so never make your partner feel like they're an inconvenience and be ready to embrace the changes. Give your partner the grace to change and don't imprison them to who they used to be, because at the end of the day, you've also changed.
What you invest in your home now will await you in the future. So invest goodness, laughter, joy, service and everything good into your home. Most especially love and prayer.
Finally, don't let your home be a barrier to your eternal life. You're the one who can determine if your home is pushing you to do things that are not in line with God's word. You're also the only one who can determine if your home is making you think thoughts that will keep you out of the Kingdom of God.
So, guys, these are the lessons I learnt in church this past Sunday. they were a blessing to me and I hope they are a blessing to you too. But please take note that I am in no way condoning abuse or violence. None of these points are in relation to violence or abuse, it's just something to keep in mind when entering a marriage or when already in a marriage. If you find anything confusing, or have any questions, please feel free to ask me in the comment section or you can send me a private message through this website.
Once again, I love you and God loves you.