Take responsibility for your actions.

Okay, so I'm about to throw some hard facts at y'all today. I'm sorry, but not sorry. If you're willing to learn, or grow or move forward then read this please. It's a lesson both for me and for you.

So when I watched Black Panther (the movie), I had one major issue with it, and that was the fact that Killmonger blamed the king of Wakanda for his actions and choices. A lot of people said it wasn't Killmonger's fault that he turned out the way he did. They said he was abandoned and his father was killed etc.

Now, I get that his story was sad and that some unfortunate and devastating things happened to him. I can in no way minimise that and I'm not trying to disregard the impact of what happened to him. My issue is the fact that he wasn't willing to take responsibility for his choices. Just because something happened to you doesn't mean that your choices can be blamed on the occurrence.

"I was drunk so I grabbed her", that's not an excuse, it was your choice to be drunk. "I was beaten as a child, so I'm violent" bruv, it's not a reason to be violent, it was your choice. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going into the psychological part of things, I know that there are people who have actually suffered mentally and psychologically because of their experiences.

All I'm saying is that we need to learn to take responsibility for our actions and our choices. The funniest thing is that some people actually do certain things and then when things don't go their way they pass blame around, but never point to themselves as being a part of the problem.

Sis, you were in that fight because you were throwing around attitude, it's not because the other girl didn't like you. Bro, you didn't get the job because you were late. Stop blaming others for the consequences of your actions. Take responsibility and learn from it. We have paedophiles out there who were molested as children and have now perpetrated the same act on other innocent children. They've definitely suffered and I'm not diminishing that. It's absolutely heart breaking what some people have had to go through. But you know what? It was their decision to continue the tradition of defilement and horror.

I can promise you that there are people out there who have suffered similar atrocities who made better choices. I'm not a fan of comparison, all I'm saying is that we need to learn to make better choices and stop blaming others for the consequences of our own choices.

Bro, sis, you lied, that's why your relationship ended. We need to learn to look at things objectively and decipher whether we have a hand in our own issues. We're so busy blaming God, family, friends, strangers and organisations for issues and problems that we caused or instigated. Instead of focussing on what you've done and making better choices, you point fingers and destroy relationships while repeating the same thing again and again.

No one owes us anything guys. We're not owed favour, mercy or grace. I've seen situations where someone asked a friend for money, the person said no and because the asker couldn't get the money, things didn't work out for him. Instead of looking for a solution, he started blaming his friend for the problem.

I know people who are still blaming their parents for where their life is today. Except we always have a choice. We can always make better choices, it's not easy though. It's not always easy to take responsibility for the consequences of our actions. Sometimes it's easier to blame others and focus on that instead of focussing on the problem.

I was writing this and I just had to acknowledge that it is hard. It's sometimes hard to face the reality of your situation and on ways to fix it. It can be hard to live in the problem and so sometimes we create other problems that distract us from the bigger problem. Then we spiral because things keep getting worse. I'm not immune to pain, fear, struggles and wanting to escape reality. I've had my own fair share of wanting to escape reality, it is hard. I remember times that I've woken up and cried all day, but one thing I worked hard not to do was make worse decisions because of the pain or anger.

Life happens to us all, but the one thing we have control over is our actions. We can't always control what happens to us, but we can control the decisions we make and the things we say. I know that it's definitely not always our fault, but if you think about it, you'll realise that a few of the problems you've suffered through have been partially caused by you.

It's high time we took responsibility for our actions, once you do, you'll see a change. A change in attitude, a change in results, a change in relationships and a change in your state of mind. You'll be better equipped to handle things and be more efficient.

P.S it's not always the devil or God's fault, most times it's us. Let's stop blaming others and hold ourselves accountable.

Once again, I love you and God loves you.

Esther xoxo