Shhhh.....

So, in my previous post I spoke about silencing the voices that discourage us, tear us down and make us doubt ourselves.

Well, this time around I'm writing about how we're the ones who say hurtful things. Sometimes recklessly and other times intentionally, maybe because we're lashing out or we don't know better.

I remember seeing this meme on Instagram where these ladies were laughing their heads off and the caption was basically "me when I see who my ex is dating now". I think the first time I saw it I laughed and then the next time I saw it I felt super bad for laughing.

I didn't feel bad because I suddenly became a purely holy or good person. Nah, the reason was much more selfish. I just imagined myself being the lady someone else's ex was dating and imagined how I'd feel if this was what another person was saying.

Like it dawned on me that when people make fun of their exes current partners, they're jeering at someone who had nothing to do with their previous relationship. It could be someone super sweet who doesn't deserve it. So to spite your ex or justify yourself, you put someone else down? That's a cowardly move and just plain ugly.

Anyways my point is that sometimes we're the voices that someone else needs to silence. We're the ones that sometimes tear other people's dreams and desires down. Sometimes we're the hurtful ones without even knowing, or sometimes knowing but feeling justified.

No one has the right to tear someone else down. We don't get to judge or tear people down, it's just not right. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's bullies. People who feel they have the right to say whatever they want to say regardless of how hurtful it could be. Some people hide behind the façade of "I'm an upfront person, I tell it like it is".

Sometimes just shhhhhhh. Evaluate what you're about to say in your mind before you say it. If it's not constructive or necessary please keep it to yourself. If it's really important that you say it because it's beneficiary for the other person, then do it in love and with kindness.

Learn how to recognise boundaries that shouldn't be crossed and if you do make a mistake, please own it and apologise. Never let pride make you mean or hurtful. As for me, I'm still learning and I hope you guys do as well.

P.S. I'm not talking about girls who see their female friends with dodgy wigs (please speak up and help your friend), or guys who see that their friend has a really bad mouth odour (bros, please tell him).

No, I'm talking about people who see a friend trying to build something and instead of encouraging your friend you laugh in the face of their dream, or you tell them it's impossible.

Don't let your lack of imagination or stale methods hold someone else back. If you have nothing good to say, please don't say anything. Don't be that person, it's not attractive.

Best believe I'm also talking to myself guys. I'm really bad at speaking Yoruba my native language because of my accent, but I recently started including Yoruba in my conversations and people were laughing at me and they told me to stop. I felt bad at the time, but I brushed it off because it's not really that deep. Like I'd already acknowledged that I couldn't speak it fluently or perfectly, and I knew that they weren't trying to be hurtful.

But I realised that about two weeks later when a friend of mine was trying to learn something similar I was laughing at her. I thought it was funny, but then she asked me not to laugh at her so she wouldn't get discouraged and I absolutely respected her. That's when I remembered that something similar had happened to me.

I didn't mean to, but I'd done exactly what I didn't like to someone else. Sometimes we really don't mean to be hurtful, but we can be when we're reckless. So instead of laughing at your friend, sibling or even a stranger, put yourself in their shoes and think of how you'd like to be treated in a similar situation.

The Bible fully says "love your neighbours as you love yourself". So don't do to others what you don't want done to you. Being kind doesn't hurt, being supportive won't break you.

It takes like 20 people to build someone's confidence and one person to tear it all down, don't be the one person to bring it all down. It's much better to build than tear down.

I think it's so important for us to take responsibility when we make mistakes and do better. So at all times be kind to yourself and to others.

Esther xoxo