Lessons I've learnt about marriage from my parents.
Hi guuuyyysssss!!!! So today is a good good day!!! It's the 20th of August and therefore my parents' wedding anniversary! I'm so grateful to God for them and they're such a blessing. So instead of what I had planned, today I'll be writing about some of the things that I've learnt from them as a couple. Lessons that I believe will help any relationship and my future relationship.
So one of the things that I've learnt from my parents is that you have to fight your battles on your knees. When your partner is doing things that hurt or upset you, it's very important to know that shouting, screaming or retaliating won't change things. However, prayers on the other hand make the difference.
My parents have spoken about this several times, but when my parents got married, my dad wasn't really a Christian. He used to smoke, drink and like me, really enjoyed reading novels. Except he spent most of his time after work reading novels and having his friends come over to drink. He didn't know better at the time, but my mum knew that fighting about it won't change anything. She knew that if she started complaining, shouting and fighting about it, nothing would change and instead things would get worse.
So instead of fighting, she went on her knees. She started praying about it, while she was praying, she still fed the people that came to the house to drink and smoke, she still treated everyone with respect, but before she knew it, they stopped coming around.
My dad said that one day he just looked at his packet of cigarettes and thought that it was such a waste so he decided not to smoke any more. Everything my mum had been praying about that could have caused a lot of contention and in their home disappeared on their own.
So yeah, I have definitely learnt that the best way to fight, is to fight on your knees.
Don't get me wrong o, it's important to express yourself, but it must be done in a respectful and loving manner. If your partner refuses to listen to you, go on your knees before God and pray.
Another important thing that I've learnt from my parents' marriage is that it's important to be a giver. My parents are true givers guys. My dad and I always joke that my mum can give anyone of us away and that the only reason she hasn't donated us is because of God's grace.
My parents have opened their homes to so many people. They take people in and make them family and it's something that I utterly and completely respect. Even in times when we struggled financially, my parents still gave. They give to God, to their children, to family, to leaders and to those in need. They don't just give money, or open up their homes, they also give their time. Their life is spent living for God and serving.
The funny thing is that whenever they give more comes in. God always shows up on time for them and it's amazing to see. So yeah, I've definitely learnt that it's important to give as an individual and also as a couple. They give individually and together and it's something that I totally respect.
Another thing I've learnt from watching my parents is that it's important to work together. They make their decisions together and do things together. Their finances are also together. I've never seen them make big decisions without consulting each other. They always work in tangent with each other and discuss what they're going to do. They may not always agree with each other, but they discuss it. They discuss their disagreements and come to a decision.
Let's be honest, you won't always agree with your partner because you're two different people with different backgrounds, different experiences and different minds. The most important thing is that you handle your differences well and I'm grateful that my parents handle them well.
I've never heard them shout at each other or say derogatory things towards each other. So yeah, it's important that you work together, in understanding and love.
Another lesson I've learnt is that it's important to forgive in a marriage and consider your partner in love. You must always acknowledge that your partner loves you and so anything they do, even in error wasn't with the intention to hurt you. If you don't believe that, it'll be hard to forgive. Forgiveness is a very important part of marriage. You're two people coming together to live in one space and share your life together until you die. This means that your spouse will have his whole lifetime to upset you in different ways. Like I mentioned before, there's no way there won't be differences. There will definitely be disagreements and sometimes, your partner may do something or say something that hurts you. But for a marriage to last, you have to learn to forgive.
You have to remember that to love is to do. Love is a doing word, it's not just a feeling. So when you declare that you love your partner, part of that love is patience and forgiveness. While also considering the intentions behind your partner's actions and trying to understand them, the same way they're supposed to.
The final thing I'll be mentioning is the fact that you can't let the words of others and the scorn of others determine what you do in your marriage. I've seen my parents come across people who made fun of their lifestyle as Christians and as a married couple. Some people would ask my mum not to spend that much time with her husband and some would ask my dad to leave my mum at home. But best believe that my parents totally disregarded what those people said. They instead considered what they wanted to do as a couple and stuck to it.
There were people who asked my dad to marry another woman because my mum didn't give birth to another child for 10 years after having me. People who spoke negatively into their marriage. Their intentions may have been good, or they could have been bad, but they still gave advice that wouldn't have worked out well for my parents if they'd heeded their advice.
But I thank God for God, my parents knew what they wanted to do and they stuck to it. They stuck to their faith and God's guidance and they're here today with three children and a happy marriage and home. 27 years of marriage and they're still going strong. So it's very important that you be careful of the counsel you take and the people you listen to. Don't let people determine what happens with your relationship, instead, focus on God and your home.
I just want to wish my parents a beautiful and wonderful 27th Wedding Anniversary!!!!! I'm truly grateful for both of you and I pray that God continues to beautify your marriage.
P.S I've learnt so much more than what I've written but it's impossible to say it all.
Once again, I love you and God loves you!!!