Expectations

Is it just me, or have you guys ever found yourself getting upset because people didn't do what you hoped they'd do? Like I used to get so upset whenever people didn't say please, or thank you. Like to me, it was just courtesy and it was very much expected. But if a person didn't say thank you, or "excuse me", or "sorry" when the situation required it, I'd be annoyed.

It's not like the words were going to add anything to me, or change the situation. Lool, I just felt it was the right thing to do, and if a person didn't do it, I'd get upset with them.

It wasn't just that though, there were times that I'd sing and I'd think I sounded really good, but no one would say a thing about it and I'd feel sad, or discouraged because no one said anything.

The worst was when I'd expect someone to help me, I'd expect them to defend me or choose me and when they didn't, I'd feel so hurt. I realised later on that all the hurt, anger, frustration and pain that I felt were self inflicted. I wasn't hurt or angry because the situation overwhelmed me, or because of the result. Instead all of those negative emotions were because I expected things of people, and when they fell short of my expectations, I felt hurt, frustrated or angry.

Funny thing is, I didn't tell those people what I expected them to do, or what I expected of them. I never told them that I'd be happy if they did this, or did that, I just expected it. Then when they didn't act the way I expected them to act, or do the things I expected them to do, I'd feel hurt and disappointed. When I didn't get the birthday call at the time I expected, or when I felt I wasn't celebrated the way I celebrated others, or even times when I didn't feel supported the same way I supported others, my feelings were hurt.

I eventually realised that the reason I was feeling so hurt, angry and frustrated was because of my expectations. I was expecting things of people who didn't even know that there was an expectation placed on them. I automatically believed that they would feel or know what I wanted, desired, or what I thought was right. Then when they fell short, I'd be disappointed.

Keeping in mind that the "sorry", "thank you" and other things didn't change anything. The early birthday call or even the birthday call didn't change anything. Instead, because I placed that expectation on people, I attracted negative emotions to myself.

Guys!!! The one person I can trust and place full expectations on, knowing that I will never be disappointed is God. God doesn't make mistakes, God doesn't forget, God doesn't disregard. I realised that human beings are flawed. We all make mistakes, myself included. I've forgotten birthdays, not because I didn't care, because I really did, but because I can be forgetful sometimes. I've not supported some people, either because I thought I was right and they were wrong, or because I didn't know that they needed or wanted the support.

I haven't complimented some people for different reasons. Sometimes because I'm sure they know, or because I'm shy or for whatever reason. I've said things that came out sounding the wrong way, skewering my intentions. So I know, I really know that human beings make mistakes.

We fall, we fail and we make mistakes. The best thing we can do is acknowledge that and stop placing our expectations on others. Especially the unknown expectations, the ones you haven't even told them.

Because you know what? They didn't know, and even if they did, the one thing we all have is choice. We have the choice to make our own decisions and do what we think is right.

Just because we open up to someone, it doesn't mean they have to do the same, just because you gave to someone, it doesn't mean they have to give back to you. Because your reason for doing these things for them remain your reasons. Until they find their reasons to do these things, or find the same value inside of you, that you found in them, it remains their prerogative to do what they feel is best to do. Also, again, some people just don't know, so if it's that important to you, say it.

So let's help ourselves and stop placing our expectations on people. Instead don't have any expectations of people and when they do what you like, you end up feeling happy. If y'all don't know, it shows a sense of entitlement when you expect things of people. When people do things that you didn't expect, you feel happy, but if you expected it of them and they do it, the elation isn't the same. When people don't meet the expectations that you've set for them, you miss the other beautiful things they do, because you end up being so focussed on what they haven't done, instead of what they are doing.

So please curb your expectations and do your part. While I've said we should stop expecting things of people, the best thing we can do is do to others what we expect of them (in a positive way). The things that you know would put a smile on your face, or make you happy. Also pay attention and be aware of what would make the people you care about smile.

Because while we shouldn't expect things of others, or place them on a pedestal, we should hold ourselves to higher expectations, so we can avoid making people feel the way that we've felt sometimes.

We're not perfect, but it doesn't mean we can't work towards perfection. The Bible fully tells us to be perfect as our Father in heaven is perfect. This just means it's attainable, we can do it, just keep trying to be a better you and more considerate. But know that if you ever want to lay expectations on anyone, the one person that will never disappoint is God.

Once again, I love you, God loves you and let's love others more.

Esther xoxo